VIBE HIGH: Instead of "Sorry," say "Thank you." Instead of "You're so Lucky," say this

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Two Useful Language Lessons from Dutch travellers I met this week. First, they told me there's no word in Dutch for "Sorry" and asked why people use that word in English so much.

I have to admit that I don't really know WHY people use it. It's so passive-aggressive, quite often, or self-effacing... it often just brings the energy of everything lower. Some years ago I did a prolonged experiment of saying "Sorry" or "Thank you" when people stepped aside from me on the narrow bike/walking paths in Nova Scotia.

If you say "sorry" the energy comes down. They're obliged to stop their conversation and say "oh, it's alright." Nobody has any fun with that. But when you say "thank you," they smile, they might say "you're welcome," they feel that their effort was appreciated by you, and the energy goes up.

***So. Rule 1. Say Thank you Instead of Sorry!!***

The second thing I learned was this: instead of saying "oh your life is so perfect, I wish I had your life" (people often say this to me, when really, I'm just doing what I do because I don't yet have what they have -- a lovely settled loving approving partnership), say "you can be proud of where you are."

Saying "oh your life is perfect" to which I respond "my life isn't perfect, your life is perfect" is always a depressing interaction for me. But no matter what my friends are doing -- married, divorced, parents, not, pets, not, home, or not... what this Dutch woman told me almost always holds true. "I can see you have worked hard to be where you are and treated people well and done your best. You can be proud of that."

Yes, that's very much better than flinging "oh you're so lucky" at people who are just doing their best and not feeling lucky at all. But saying that we are doing our best? Yes, that is fair.

***Rule 2. Say "I acknowledge your work and progress and you can be proud" instead of "you're so lucky, your life is so easy and great" which glosses over the realities.***

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